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SURPRISING FIRST STEPS TO DATING SUCCESS

Much of the frustration and disappointment that people experience in their dating lives can be avoided with a little preparation and thought.

Everyone thinks that the first step in successful dating is meeting the right prospects. They are wrong. While meeting interesting, attractive and emotionally available prospects is important, being ready to date is even more important. The seven ideas below are all crucial to your dating success

INVEST IN YOU

Our whole society instills in us this idea that we need to find "THE ONE", right away... We think we have to do everything NOW. Forget the whole idea that it has to be NOW. The wrong relationship can destroy your life. The right relationship will be the most valuable asset in your existence.

source: http://www.navy.mil

SIT DOWN AND ANALYZE YOU AND YOUR SITUATION

Spend a little time defining your needs and your goals. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you want what everyone else does. One size does not fit all. Unless you have really sat down and thought about it, your needs and your goals are going to be very different from what you assume they are. If you try to go out and date, with a fuzzy set of misconceptions about what you hope to get out of it and need to get out of it, you are going to be one very frustrated and unhappy person. Take a look at what your resources and limitations are. Given the other things going on in your life, how much time can you realistically commit to going out on dates? How much money can you spend each month? Do you have children or family members who need care? Can you take off and go away for a weekend or do you need to confine your dating to close to home? Does personal or career-driven discretion dictate that you should go out of your community to date? How is your wardrobe? How is your grooming? How physically fit are you? You need answers to these kinds of questions before you even think about actually going out with someone.

WHO YOU NEED TO BE WITH, WANT TO BE WITH AND HAVE A PRAYER OF BEING WITH

Once again, you absolutely must have answers to these questions before you go out and start dating, otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail miserably. Most people do not have a clue what type of person they really should be with. Everyone has a LIST. The trouble is, it is practically never their list. It is the list mass media has foisted on them, the one their friends have suggested, the one their parents inculcated in them when they were growing up.

source: http://www.morguefile.com

ASSESSING YOUR CURB APPEAL

In real estate, there is a term for how appealing a property is to a given prospect driving by it. They call it curb appeal. Some houses the prospect looks at and thinks, "God I would love to live there!" Other houses get a response, "Well, I guess I could live there if I had to." High curb appeal sells your house. Low curb appeal sells other people's houses. In dating, it is just the same. As dating consultants, we think of it as a person's romantic market value.

As with all things involving human beings, romantic market value is a rather complex issue. Physical appearance, fitness, grooming, attire, posture and speech are components of it, so too are less tangible factors involving social status, ascribed status, social skills and presentation skills. What is important in a dating environment is that you present to prospective dates the best possible package of attributes that you realistically can. To accomplish this, you have to start out with a fairly accurate picture of how others are going to perceive you. This is not something that you can do by yourself. Very few of us are capable of accurately assessing ourselves (the good or the bad). This is not something that your friends can do for you. According to them, you are fine just the way you are. They lie. You need to hear the things they are afraid to tell you as well as the things you really do not want to hear. You need a knowledgeable professional assessment. Get such assessment. When you have it, go through it thoughtfully and correct the things that you can correct.

TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE AND INCREASE YOUR ROMANTIC MARKET VALUE

Probably, the deficiencies that you most shy away from correcting, are the ones you really should put your effort into correcting.

source: http://www.morguefile.com

ABSOLUTELY REJECT THE IDEA THAT YOU ARE A VICTIM

If you let them, frustration and pain from your past relationships will poison your new relationships. It is easy to get caught up in ideas like "my boyfriend was an asshole" or "I keep running into nothing but certified bitches". The truth is, we always have a certain amount of culpability in these scenarios. Assigning blame is an utterly useless concept, whereas understanding what caused our past failures helps us avoid repeating the same insanity. It imay be hard, but avoid thinking that anyone, other than yourself, caused your unhappiness. Own your own life, the successes and the failures. You need to take a look at what you did or did not do that invited the outcomes that you experienced. When you have an answer that you are comfortable with, go back and think some more. Trust me, you still don't get it. The quick answers are seldom the right ones. In these instances, the truth is almost always a thorny, unpleasant thing. It is also the first step to not repeating the same old mistakes. Work through these things and drain the emotional poison they engender before you inflict yourself on dating partners who might otherwise be drawn to you.

MORE IS NOT BETTER -- BETTER IS BETTER

Do not confuse dating a lot with dating successfully. Dating practice is essential, but innumerable wrong dates are infinitely less valuable that a few right ones. Do not feel that you have to be constantly dating. Constantly going on unproductive dates wastes your emotional, psychological and physical capital. Save it for those instances where you feel that you have the most chance for a successful outcome. When you go out on a date, you are investing your time, money, energy and emotional vulnerability. Be selective. In the movie Three to Tango, there is a great line. The heroine asks the guy, "so have you ever kissed a girl?" and he replies, "Never the right one." A certain amount of experience is critical, but beyond that point, it does not matter how many people you have kissed, it only matters when you kiss the right one.

Readers with comments or questions, or those who simply want help with these issues, are encouraged to e-mail the author.